The Mother
I have 41 years old, got married at
35 and wanted to have children pretty soon, after all, I was getting old!
Old…
What?
I'm feeling better than ever!
--
I looked around and my husband was
asleep on the couch, the children finally slept in their rooms and the
television on, almost in the dumb, was a suspense movie.
I have a nice! We both work hard to
give comfort to the three children who sleep peacefully up there.
I try not to move so as not to wake
him up. He has his head on my lap and feet are off the couch.
I stretch mu arm just to pick up the
cell phone and open up in that social app of hell.
That's right! Exactly! That app
sucks!
Only a lot of people pretending to
be happy ...
I was scroll up and down, rolling
the screen and thinking:
"Are you at the party again?? C’mon
girl. You're already in the middle age and still using these clothes! And you?
My God, how fat you are! "
Bunch of useless people!
Not to mention those people who post
things like:
"At home, thank God!"
Bullshit! I doubt it! I'm sure once I
wanted to be spending money too!
I wanted to, but I haven’t. I need
to think about my children nowadays.
Three great miracles of my life! That
I love very much! I just don’t understand how it was that I was being dumb
enough to have three!
My belly now has this ridiculous little
ball in the front, that even being always thin, do not let go! Amazing as shit.
Those television actresses must do
some medical procedure after pregnancy! It's not possible!
Sex! Also miss the old days.
I could be having sex now! Right? I
am married ... my husband is at home, my children are sleeping.
But the right answer is:
Wrong!
He always tired, I’m always tired.
Right now I'm hoping he doesn’t wake
up thinking about do it because I don’t feel in the mood to taking off my
clothes and then must to having sex in silence so we won’t wake the kids.
Another thing is, what used to be a
sexy belly of his, today is no longer! You are making all this harder, that's
right, my friend! You’re younger hoy dude anymore.
Looking at the cell phone leaning on
the support table, I remember those futile people posting their life on the
social media and starts to feel a little jealous.
What's wrong with being futile?
What's wrong with her being fat in
those tight clothes?
Okay, I know that she didn’t get
married and had no children ... so what?
How would my life be like without my
kids? Without my husband? Without these concerns of adult and responsible
person
Sometimes I wish I had not any children.
Sometimes I wish I had not married
either.
I would be in that backwoods party,
laughing and drinking with no worry at all about appearances.
Flirting with a nice guy who offered
me a drink and would end a night of wild sex in a motel room.
I wouldn’t have a dog!
Not even! It only gives me trouble,
after all I’m the one who must clean up his shit every single day.
I wouldn’t have this fat belly! Nor
the streaks around my chest, that no matter how much I've passed all the fucking
kind of oil and shit possible, it didn’t help! Besides, still being flaccid and
smaller than they were!
In the refrigerator, there would not
be several jars of food, fruit, vegetables, modeling clay and three different
types of gelatin, since each wants a different color.
I would have had what I could have.
Water! Alcohol! Bread! Ice cream! Toast! Diet curd!
My TV room would not be made of toys
and drawing DVDs. Damn, it got dough pasted up the rack, what the hell! Why do
I have to clean the house every house? Once in the next second everything will
be dirty again.
I just wanted to put a glass on the
table in the morning and when I came back at night it was in the same place! Is
it too much to ask?
Suddenly I see a car in the street
with the sound very loud, playing “funk” and with many laughs coming from the
outside.
I'm starting to panic!
I look at the clock, and it's not
even 11pm. Today is Friday, and the house is already in the dark, trying hard
to remain anonymous, as if it were an armored field against external forces.
My husband moves uncomfortably,
making the leather of the sofa creak and I look at the window thinking.
"Leave before you wake Louise, please."
The laughter and screams continue,
apparently more people also appeared to join the noisy crew and I hear the car pull
away.
-Thank God!
I speak softly, breathing fast and
relaxing my back on the couch again, but it was only the time for me to lean
all over my spine and head back, so I hear another car approaching: A
motherfucker makes a burst with the exhaust of that one car right outside our
window, almost inside the house.
"Buááá"
Oh shit no, Louise woke up!
I stay two seconds with my head
thrown back, looking at the ceiling before get up and go to meet her, so Mark
wakes up as well.
He quickly passes his fingers to his
eyes and gets up saying:
-I’ll go baby! You can watch the
movie.
He gives me a quick kiss on the
lips, with a silly grin on his face and goes half staggering upstairs.
"Shush baby, otherwise your
brothers will wake up"
I’ll go after him quietly entering the
other room, where Patrick and Meg still sleep as if nothing is happening, then
I see him with little Louise on his lap, swinging his body from side to side
until she sleeps again.
He sees me leaning against the
doorframe, puts her back in the crib and comes toward me, closing the door with
the electronic baby-sitter in his other hand:
"Are you going to finish
watching that movie?"
He looks at me with affection, yawns
once and I shake my head, not speaking.
-Want to sleep? I'm going to take a
shower before, I still wearing my work pants on ...
- Come on, I'll help you!
He looks at me differently,
understanding my intentions and I take him into the room, remembering to lock
the door before for a night of love, once more in silence, before we fall asleep
...
What's it?
I think my life is perfect the way
it is.
Leave me
alone!
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