5.
December 20th, Saturday.
Two weeks. I have two weeks to relax and think about how I'm going to make that girl look at me.
- Hello
- Brother, are you going to Guarujá?
- I think so, why JP?
- When?
- On Monday.
- But will you be there all week?
- Sure thing, Christmas is on Thursday! Will the restaurant open?
- Yup, but Murilo will take care of everything these days.
- Then?
- It's just that there's a girl...
- You will not take any tail for Christmas with Mommy!
- Damn Louis...
- Don't even come and if I talk about it again I'll let Duda know!
- And then?
- It's ok for the weekend, but not for the holiday!
- Okie.
- And how will you go?
- With you?
- How about her?
- I'll pick her up on Friday...
- In my car?
- You're so boring!
- I think I'll take the opportunity and go home with you!
- And are you going to be alone, here in São Paulo?
- Don’t know yet.
- Can I count on you then?
- OK.
My parents, Richard and Duda are already at the beach, I'll be at home all weekend and alone. Look how wonderful! I turned on my computer right after lunch, sat on the couch, and stretched my legs out on the coffee table with only the computer music playing. Something to relax: System Of A Down . I laughed to myself at my thoughts as the music started playing at a low volume, just for me. Music to relax!
I downloaded Ana's curriculum that was available on the TCH system and started reading:
“Name: Ana Clara Gusmão, I know! / Address: somewhere on the beach front / Phone: I already have it! / Education: 2011: Technology and Computer Science / Birthday: June 30, 24 / Emergency Contact: Her parents, Humm live close to mine / Relatives: Father, mother and two brothers / Extracurricular: many courses”
- Interesting! – I told myself taking a sip of the soda I had opened.
Would it be too much for me to show up at her house? I don't think she won't even be there, she should go to the countryside now for the holiday to be with her parents! And of course that would be too much!
Calm down Louis. Don't do any nonsense! My cell phone screen lights up on the couch.
Paula: What are you going to do this weekend?
I looked at my cell phone and the smile that was on my face thinking about Ana was gone right away. Paula, my ex. I closed my eyes for two seconds to take a deep breath and several images came back to me. Random images that I try to forget everyday.
***
"A son"
"A lot of blood"
"Fights"
"Screaming"
"Sadness"
"Grant"
"Betrayal"
"Anger"
"Fear"
***
I open my eyes again and have my cell phone in my hand, looking at the message from the one who did me so much harm and who is coming back today to piss me off. Fuck, after three years what does she want with me? I feel like throwing the device far away, but I take a deep breath and reply to her message:
Louis: Get the hell away from you!
Paula: Give me a chance!
Louis: Not half. Forget me!
Paula: Next week is Christmas and I'll be alone.
Louis: Go to your mother's house!
Paula: It's far!
Louis: Where I wanted to send you is much further away.
Paula: Geez Louis! Okay. We'll talk another day.
I don't even bother to answer again, I throw the device on the couch and look at my computer again, which was still open with Ana's resumé and her photo beside it. A much younger photo after all she has been working at TCH for five years, but with me she started working at the end of last year. I smiled again and turned up the music.
Some time later my cell phone starts ringing. I just hope it's not her. No, is my sister:
- Hi Duda.
- Hi brother, are you coming?
- Yes, on Monday.
- Why not today?
- Today there is a lot of traffic and tomorrow I'll sleep until I wake up...
- Are you poetic?
- I am!
- I Know.
- What do you know?
- Nothing my brother. We'll expect you on Monday then. Big kiss.
- Goodbye.
Oh fuck! All I need now is for Richard to have let the cat out of the bag! If he said anything to Duda I'm screwed.
***
December 22nd, Monday
- Wake up JP!
- Hello
- Damn JP, didn't I say I'd stop by at eleven?
- It's already eleven?
We arrived at Guarujá's house almost 4pm, not so much due to the traffic, but due to JP's delay in getting up and still packing his things.
- Hi mom – He got out of the car and with all his charm softened my mother's heart in less than ten minutes because we were late.
She gave me a tight hug and was already asking:
- Will you stay until the new year?
- I don't know mom!
- These single children of mine are so handful!
I gave her a wan smile and went to put my backpack in the bedroom.
Those five days were really fun, JP left his cell phone in his room almost every day so he didn't have calls every five minutes from any tail. I left mine on purpose. Everyone I cared about the most was here so there's no reason to keep my cell phone in tow. My problem, has first and last name, was Miss Ana Gusmão.
I couldn't stop thinking about her and that's why I almost lost once or twice in snooker to Duda, how dare. I just didn't lose it, because when was just missing one ball, she would get nervous and start squealing saying victory, then I would put my head in the right place and finish the game.
One night after several beers and still playing poker with my brothers Richard asked me, distracted in his thoughts:
- Hey Louis, how's that project of ours?
- Our project?
-Yeah, that one... - And he winked crookedly at me. What an idiot! But as we were all drinking I continued:
- I'll take John and Ana!
- What? Are you crazy?
- They’re my best employees!
- You can't take Ana!
- What project? – Duda asked
- From Recife my love...
- And why can't he take her?
Well, if she asked now it's because he hadn't said anything, except badly.
- She’s my employee Duda
- Is she hot? – JP asked
I looked at him in a strange way, strange even to me. I don't know what I felt at that moment and I said:
- Don't talk about her like that!
- Calm down brother, I just asked if she's hot.
- That's the problem JP – Richard continued – She's hot!
- So, introduces me to her!
- Shut up JP! – I replied looking at my cards again.
- Louis Gustavo, do you have anything to share with us?
- Duda, are you crazy?
- She's my employee and that's it. Richard thinks she’s not the right person for this project. You keep getting into the subject of our work and imagining things!
- If she's hot you can introduce me!
- JP, won't you come back tomorrow with a don't know who?
- I will, but what’s the problem?
- You're such a son of a bitch!
We finished that game and went to sleep. The next day, just after five o'clock, we were already heading back to São Paulo. I decided I was going to stay home! By myself.
I just thought I would! On Tuesday Richard's car appeared in front of the house without warning and was entering, I was lying on the couch, only in my underwear, with the air conditioning on and the bass on the speaker. Except for a sound, just like when I was younger and I was alone in my room.
- Are you really that lazy?
- Want to play?
He took a deep breath and asked:
- Is your guitar there?
- In the office...
We stayed from two in the afternoon until nine at night playing random songs and talking:
- So, have you decided?
- I'll get it, I told you!
- How?
- I'm still thinking about it.
- But meanwhile you can't go out with other women?
I looked at him serenely and replied:
- I don’t want!
- Louis?
- What’s?
- Just sex right?
- Yeah, I told you! - While looking at my fingers strumming the strings of the instrument.
- OK
- And what did you come here for?
- We came to spend the New Year here with you!
- What? – I screamed, straightening up on the couch and making a horrible sound with the strings.
- You can fight with your mother and Duda, I'm here today to let you know!
- You mean that tomorrow everyone comes here to my house?
- Exactly!
- And there's nothing I can do?
- No!
- Can we keep playing and pretend I don't know that yet?
- Of course yes!
That day Richard slept at my place, we were drinking and playing until late night and at ten in the morning my parents were already at the door with Duda. I swear I'll still get back the key I gave her!
We ended up with half a bottle of whiskey and a few beers, the room became an area with wires everywhere and the instruments left on the sofa. I don’t remember how we managed to go upstairs to sleep in bed, on top of the sheets, but it's great.
They arrived with all the food almost ready and quickly the kitchen was, which was hardly ever used, smelling of ham and coffee, all mixed together.
JP showed up fifteen minutes before New Year's, which almost made Duda have a heart attack. My parents don't care, they know JP can handle himself. But with me it's a little different, after everything that happened to me, they don't want to leave me alone anymore. And I'm starting to think that I don't want to be alone anymore either and there's only one person that pops into my head who can fill that space.
The TV guy started the countdown to next year:
10 - 9 - 8 - 7 - 6...
What do I want for this year? Money? Health? Peace? No!
I want her!
...5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1.
Happy New Year!
Everyone slept at home. As I only have three bedrooms, I had the misfortune of sleeping with JP, I told him to sleep on the couch, but he's worse than a child. In the middle of the night he came slowly and lay down beside me. What the hell.
January 1st, Thursday
- Good morning maiden - I told JP who was all sprawled pushing me with his knees on the bed, just like when we were kids.
- Good Morning, brother. Did you sleep well?
- I would have slept better if I were alone!
- Lie! This side of the bed needs softening! It's too hard!
I got out of bed laughing to take a shower and again, to my misfortune, my bathroom had no door, just a glass wall that separated the rooms after a small hallway. As soon as I was removing the shampoo from my hair, I hear his voice:
- You know brother...
- Damn JP, what a scare!
- Calm down, I just came to pee!
- OK. What is?
- You're acting strange!
- What do you mean as strange?
- Strange. You have your head in the clouds..
- I'm as everyday - I laughed, but she came to my head at the same time. I turned off the shower and grabbed the towel.
- No, you are not! And if even I noticed...
His voice trailed off, so he must have walked out of the bathroom as I wiped my face. Passed the towel over my head, smiling when I thought of Ana and when I opened my eyes to step out of the box he was leaning against the sink looking at me.
- Fuck JP, again? What a fright!
- That smile there! That's a woman!
- Don't talk nonsense!
- Don’t lie to me!
I took a deep breath and nodded:
- You're right, there is a person!
- That’s crazy, your sister is really good!
- What do you mean?
- Do you really think I had noticed something? She was the one with that in her head and told me and Richard. We obviously didn't know anything, but I decided to confirm it.
I grabbed the towel and slapped him hard on the leg, which was only in his underwear, leaving a welt on the side, behind his thigh.
- Idiot!
- Fuck Louis, it hurt! But why are you so nervous about it?
- She doesn’t know!
- So tell me!
- I can’t!
- I know her?
- No! And it's not to confirm anything to Mary Eduarda, do you understand me? Otherwise she'll be bugging me.
- Okay, shows me a picture at least.
- No names!
I opened the photo I got from that ridiculous betting site and put it along with her number. I showed it to JP who put both hands over his mouth, saying muffled between his fingers: “Fuck, she is hot” with wide eyes. She is really beautiful!
- Ok you convinced me now and I promise to be quiet!
- I don’t expect any less!
For lunch everyone was still at my place, and we ate just yesterday's supper, as we always do. We had a sparkling wine that JP brought and everything was fine, until someone rang the doorbell. My mom went to the door, which I had even forgotten was my home.and not hers, as is always the case.
She opens the door and then slams it very hard and when she turns to us, that are all looking at her because of the noise, she is white. I run towards her and JP opens the door to see who it is, he leaves and closes the door behind him. I still don’t know. and take mom to the sofa
- Alright mother? Who is it?
- Nobody worth it! Tell JP to come in now that I'm ordering.
- OK...
- Not you! Duda goes there!
- OK mother!
Duda jumps up from the bench she was on and goes out the door closing behind her and then I hear her high-pitched voice:
- What do you think you're doing here?
I stretch my body, snap every finger on my hand and my neck. already knowing who it is! I take a deep breath, trying to hold the anger inside my chest, and head to the door.
- JP, Duda, come in please!
- But Lou...
- JP, take Duda and I'll fix it here.
- I'm still taking you down, bitch! – Duda enters screaming, kind of carried by JP and by Richard who went there to help. I close the door again and turn to the blonde statue standing at the bottom of the stairs:
- What are you doing here?
- I came to wish you a happy new year!
- Okay, now you can go.
- Louis, please!
- Paula, no! How many times will you have to hear this word to understand? Have you forgotten everything we've been through?
- No, but as you just said, it's past!
- A past I don't want to relive! Go meet one of your real men and leave me alone!
I was trying to speak in a low, controlled voice, then she started to cry. I don't want to console anyone either! My dad opened the door behind me and saw her thin, sobbing silhouette in front of me.
- Son, your mother wants to talk to you!
I looked at that gentleman so calm and nodded, not even looking back when I closed the door leaving them two alone. It didn't take more than ten minutes for my father to be back in the room, with his serene smile and asking:
- Who's up for a game of pool?
- Me! – Duda got up and went to the table that is between the kitchen and the stairs to the bedrooms and I went to the fridge to get a beer.
- Man, get one for me too!
-Here – I handed it to Richard – She's crazy and she wants to drive me crazy!
- She is mad! But try not to think about it anymore!
-Yes bro– JP took a beer too and continued – Think about that other princess you showed me!
He cheers the bottle against mine and went to the table with Duda and my father.
- Did you tell him?
- He cornered me this morning in my room, but he doesn't even know who she is, or her name, nothing!
- You're a bighead! - And he slapped me on the head.
- Richard, don't do that with Louis! - My mother fought with him and I laughed at the silly face he made.
- Sorry Miss Sonia.
Later that same crazy day, my dad came up to me:
- You know that as soon as you closed the door she stopped crying right!
- I know! She is underhanded!
- So I don't want you to be thinking about what happened, neither today nor about anything related to this subject!
- Okay dad.
- I love you son.
- Thanks Dad.
"I love you..."
It's just three words, which I haven't been able to say since she left my life. Not for my parents; nor for my brothers.
This viper who goes by Paula is my ex-wife.
That's right, I was already married and almost made a family with her. How have things changed so much?
She got pregnant when I was 23 and had two miscarriages. I was very young. She was very young, but it had gotten into her head that she wanted to be a mother. She put in that same little crazy head that it was my fault and she started to fuck to any male avaiable because I wasn't a real man even to give her child. I was in love with her, and it took me a while to understand that this relationship was only doing me harm. I did several tests at her request and even after we were no longer together, just to make sure that everything was really fine with me.
I can't pronounce these three simple words, not even to my parents.
It's been three years since we split up, and right after the split it was pretty tense. Six months ago she started working at TCH as HR manager at the headquarter. Same place as me.. Among so many companies in the world, she came to work in the same one as me. For what reason?
I can't understand, including why she had to show up in my life, at the same time someone else, one who was I really caring, making me finally change the angry feeling I had for her, for one I still can't identify. Of? Feather? Disgusted?
I will try JP's advice.
For the first time in his life he's right.
I'll think about the other woman!
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