3.
I stayed looking at him, who was smiling from the corner of his mouth as he took another sip of his beer, my hands were cold, even with the absurd heat he was doing today in São Paulo. I felt my feet sweat at the dreaded confession I would have to make to him, and speaking out loud about something that shouldn't be happening just makes it more real.
He snapped his fingers in front of my eyes and I brought the beer to his mouth, which was starting to get dry and the other hand I brought it to the back of my neck.
- It's no use looking at me with those wide blue eyes! It looks like the look of Duda when she buys a shoe for five hundred and says it cost a hundred.
I gulped down the liquid that was still trapped in my mouth and with my legs splayed on the floor, I rested my elbows on my knees, still holding the bottle, clasped both hands in the center and lowered my head to them, feeling like shit.
- Hey – He called me after a while – I got it? Really?
I turned my face to him, still leaning with my forearms on my legs, and lifted the little bottle that was in my hand saying:
- Long live Louis! Yay!
- Geez Louis, when I said I was kidding! I didn't think it would be...
- Well, I wish it was a joke!
- It's not possible! Who is the mystery woman? Speak up, you can say it!
- It's Ana, Richard. - Then I repeated in a low voice - It's Ana...
- Louis, she's your employee!
- You think I don't know that?
- She knows?
- Of course not!
- You will talk?
- I can't say anything! Biggest problem I'll get!
- Yup...
- Can you finish telling me what happened last night after we left?
- You don't want to know!
I threw myself on the back of the sofa, heads back and looking at the ceiling:
- Maybe I'll get her out of my head!
- You'll like it even less now!
- Speak up Richard!
- Nothing!
- Nothing? What do you mean, nothing?
- Nothing, nothing happened! From what Joe told me now, Lucas tried to kiss her, but he must have been a little tipsy, it was late, almost time for them to leave, he grabbed her around the waist to kiss her... - My blood froze when he said that – But she kneed him in the balls, so he let her go.
I raised my head to him, not understanding and delighted with the discovery. My flower!
- Why did you say I wouldn't like it?
- Because she's still available, which for you and that little romantic head is the same thing as: She's mine!
I looked at him trying to hold back a smile as that was exactly what I was thinking! I couldn't imagine Ana with anyone and if she wasn't with anyone until today, it's because I have a chance!
- I'll get another beer, will you?
- Louis, come back here!
- Would you like? – I was already standing in the middle of the room.
- I do! What will you do?
- Nothing!
- Are you sure?
- Richard – I handed the beer into his hand – What can I do?
- I don't know.... Nothing I think.
- See!
- And so?
- I do not know. But it's fucked! I can't think about going out with someone else that I start to think about her.
- How old are you really going to be? 28 or 18?
- I don't want neither Duda nor JP to dream of this information!
- OK!
- Really! No way to have someone in my life, who is great without anyone!
- You should focus on that sentence to stop thinking about this girl.
- I know!
- Tomorrow is your birthday, what will you do tonight?
- Sleep!
- Not even a pizza? You'll have to have dinner, won't you?
- Only if it's here at my place!
- For me, it's a deal!
We watched television until Duda arrived, at half past six, but soon they left! Our team lost so I was extra sullen so helped that she wouldn't stay too long or ask too many questions.
- Good night Lu.
- Hi Duda!
- How about tomorrow?
- Pizza. Here at home!
- Geez. Why can't it be in a pizzeria at least?
- Because I don’t want to! Otherwise I won't!
- Boring! What happened?
- My team lost!
- Big Deal! - She look to Richard who was almost asleep on the couch - Shall we love?
- Hey? Who? Let's go!
- Bye then until tomorrow Lu!
- Bye Louis, see you tomorrow!
- Bye, are you going to the office tomorrow?
- No, I'll be on the client...
- Okay. See y’all tomorow!
As soon as they closed the door I plopped down on the couch again and put my feet up on the coffee table. I turned off the television and stared at the ceiling with my head lying on the couch with both arms behind my head.
- Why? – I spoke loudly and smiled thinking of her, when she gets embarrassed and her cheeks get all blush. Her skin so white and eyes the color of honey. She has straight hair and frayed at the ends, but they are darker than her eyes, they look like brown. In the sun they are a little reddish, it's a little below the shoulders, but it's almost always with them tied up in a ponytail. Standing next to her I look like a gangly giant at six feet. She is short and thin, has a perfect hourglass figure, with her full breasts and wide hips.
I went to the gym to tire my body a little and get to sleep faster. I ran almost 7 miles and still went to do weight training. I need a peaceful night's sleep!
***
November 24th, Monday.
At nine I was already at the bakery ordering black coffee and grilled bread, the usual! There was a waitress who always made a point of attending to me, she was very attractive, I believe that if I had been in the ass spirit of a year or two ago I would have already given her a lead, but today I can't.
- Good morning sir, what do you want?
- The usual, please.
- An espresso and a grilled bread?
- Exactly. Thanks!
And there she goes, waddling to the counter to meet another customer. Well, today she was wearing a black bra and the pen tucked between her breasts. Very suggestive! I might not want anything to do with her, but she leans over my desk, can't help but look into her cleavage.
I slung my backpack over my right shoulder and headed toward the cashier. First message of the day:
JP: Happy birthday asshole! See you later!
Louis: Thanks brat!
I put the cell phone back in my pants pocket and thought: Today is my birthday. I'll get a hug, will I? I straightened my body and got in the car again, heading towards the office. It would only be a five-minute journey. I might as well leave the car in the building's parking lot and walk to the bakery, but no! I come here by car, cursing the traffic on this street every day and then going out and cursing the traffic again.
But today, the streets were incredibly quiet.
My lucky day?
I got off the elevator in the hallway of my department, it was nine forty, everyone was already at their desks, and talking about the weekend. I strode straight to my desk.
I greeted two people as I crossed the hall and sat down.
She was sitting in her chair, with John standing beside her, talking and laughing about something. Across the table Miguel was laughing too. I'm curious, I think I'll go there!
I arranged the suit around my neck and walked to Miguel and Ana's table:
- Good Morning!
- Good morning sir!
- How was the weekend?
- Great fun Louis – John replied.
- That's good!
- You don't know what Lucas did... - Miguel started to speak and Ana cut him off:
- Miguel. You won't be saying these things!
- Now I want to know! What’s up?
- Yeah Ana, soon the entire TCH will know! – John said.
- So - He looked at her and continued - Lucas and Ana were at the same club this weekend, then he was half drunk and tried to kiss her...
He started to laugh and couldn't finish the story, I was already smiling because I knew what had happened, but I turned to Ana and John to finish the story. John continued:
- Then he grabbed Ana...
- He didn't grab me!
- Yes, he did! At least he tried.
- Grab? – I spoke angrily, then trying to change the tone for a joke.
- No sir, he tried something with me, but it didn't work!
- Yeah – Miguel composed himself and finished counting – I didn't know why she kicked him in the balls!
- Didn't kick! Knee! - She corrected.
- Wow! Are you alright Ana? – I spoke to her with concern.
- I am, sir. Nothing happened!
- I want to see Lucas come talk to you today! – John still said jokingly and I looked towards his desk, which was empty, but with the computer on, he had arrived at least.
- That's good! So, since everything is fine with everyone, let's get to work!
-Louis – Miguel caught my attention – I received an email from HR informing him that today is your birthday, is that right?
I was already facing away from my desk when he said this, I took a deep breath and turned to them again:
- It is! Good morning people! – I was about to turn around again when I feel John's heavy hand on my shoulders:
- Congratulations boss! Many years of life!
He gave me a hug with a pat on the back, as did Miguel who stood up next, pulling me by the hand first.
- Congratulations Louis! I promise to try not to give you any problems today!
- I hope so! Thanks.
As soon as he walks away I see Miss Ana getting up from her chair, leaning her hands on the table and stepping forward to greet me too, she gives me a sheepish smile and starts to reach out to congratulate me, John says something in her ear, which makes her a little red instantly, then takes my hand.
In those few seconds, I felt a shiver and heat go through my body, she was still taking a step forward, so I gave her hand a slight tug, almost imperceptible to the others, forcing her to come closer and so I got a hug.
She raised her left arm and went around my neck, our right hands were still together between us, so I let go and went around her waist, she bent her body a little and wrapped this arm around my neck too, I had to lower it a little to fit my body into hers and I took a deep breath of the scent of her hair.
- Happy Birthday Mr Nurs!
She spoke with her mouth close to my ear, her voice soft and began to separate our bodies. Before letting her go, I spread my two hands beside her waist and looking into her eyes I thanked her:
- Thank you Miss Gusmão!
She lowered her eyes with a slight smile on her lips and her cheeks turned a little pink, but soon she was no longer in my arms so I went back to my desk.
Does my presence also affect her as she does me?
I worked the rest of the morning with that unhappy thought haunting me.
- Happy birthday Louis!
I heard a syrupy voice beside me, nothing like Miss Gusmão.
- Thanks!
- Won't you even get up so I can give you a hug?
- Paula, we're in a work environment. Please!
- Okay. How about you go out to lunch with me then? It's already noon.
- No thank you. I'm going with Richard.
- He's not even at the company!
- We'll meet for lunch! He is part of my family, and you know it very well!
- And Am I nothing?
- Yes! You are nothing!
- Okay, bye Louis and congratulations!
- Thanks!
After ten minutes of curling up in the chair, I couldn't stand it any longer with irritation and went out to lunch alone. I got in the car and went to the furthest mall, sat at a table inside the restaurant and ordered meat and chips. It's perfect! Happy Birthday to me!
- Hello, hi mom!
- Happy Birthday son!
- Thank you mother!
- Where are you?
- Lunching...
- And at night?
- JP and Duda are going to my house, but that's it! Will you come?
- I think so, I'll talk to your father!
- There won't be anything, just pizza!
- The important thing is to be together!
- Yes it is mother!
- Speak a little with your father, bye son. Love you!
- Bye mom...
- Congratulations son, almost thirty huh!
- I've just turned twenty-eight and you're saying almost thirty?
- Closer and closer!
- It is true!
- I'm kidding, son! But we’ll go! What time?
- I leave at half past five! Six or seven pm I'll be home!
- Ok, we’ll leave here at half past five too, the time will be fine!
- Yes father. We’ll be waiting for you guys!
- Kisses son, see you later.
- Bye dad.
My parents live about 60km from here, in the interior. We don't always see each other, but we see each other whenever possible! When I got the rib tattoo, my mom was a little mad at me, but after I said it means “family” I managed to soften her heart.
Also, after I made the skeleton suit on my right calf and a Mayan bracelet on my left forearm, she either gets used to it or she gets used to it! I'm dying to get another tattoo, I just don't know what or where yet! Another thing I love, and my mother not so much, is my motorcycle, but I only use it on the weekend, usually to go to their house, the city is quieter there.
I got back to the office at about two in the afternoon. I finished an important report and received confirmation of a new project that we are working hard on, but it's still a secret. In early December as soon as they sign the contract I call my team to talk!
Carlos and Joe appeared in front of my desk at half past four in the afternoon, shouting and getting up to wish me a happy birthday, as soon as I got up, all the employees in the sector got up and came towards me singing happy birthday and Paula was holding a cake with several candles on top.
How absurd!
I looked around and everyone was there, including her! Clapping, smiling and singing to me. Okay. It might not be that bad!
Soon that line formed to congratulate me again, Paula took longer than necessary and with her body tighter to mine than I wanted, I could only smell the cloying smell of her cloying sweet perfume, taking all the shine from her little body. runway model and commercial smile. The three Musketeers, which was how I secretly calls John, Ana and Miguel, were further back, talking to each other and waiting for the people to disintegrate from my table.
Miguel then places a small box in Ana's hand and pushes her one step forward. I give her an easy smile, following her with my gaze until she's in front of me again.
- Happy birthday again, Mr Nurs!
- Thank you, Ana!
- Here's a gift from your entire team, I hope you like it!
She reached out to hand me the gift and I put my hand underneath it, so I felt that wave of heat going through my body again. I closed my eyes quickly to absorb that tension and let go of her hand that pulled her then crossing her arms in front of me waiting for me to open the package.
I placed the box on the desk and ripped the paper. Inside was a miniature of my motorcycle, a Harley-Davidson Heritage Softail, beautiful. I took that little acrylic box very carefully out of the wrapping and lifted it up to my face, staring at every perfect detail it had! I put my present back on the table and grabbed Ana just like I do to my sister. I lowered my body a little to put my arms under her arms and held her head with one hand squeezing her body against mine:
- Damn Ana, how beautiful! It cost! I loved it!
- You're welcome...
She hugged me back for mere seconds, until I realized she wasn't my sister, that I wasn't home and that there were a lot of people around.
I released her slowly and then pulled Miguel and John by the hand to hug them tight too! Thanking you for the gift and disguising my excitement, so it wasn't just one person.
- Guys! I loved it! Now, what about this cake? Is it to eat or not?
Soon the office was already a mess, with people eating the cake and no one was going back to work until half past five! I leaned back against my desk and picked up my bike again, it was really beautiful! The three were apart again, talking, so I went to them again:
- Who came up with the idea? – I asked the three, and Ana started to answer:
- We asked Richard for a picture of you...
- Photograph?
- Yeah, for the card, it's inside the package! So, then Richard sent one of you to the side of the bike. I thought it would be cool!
- Damn Ana, I really loved it!
- That’s awesome sir!
I got closer to her while the boys were in a side conversation, I rested a hand on her waist and kissed her cheek, very close to the curve of her lips and said:
- Thank you so!
- My pleasure!
I turned away very happy with myself, because she didn't try to kick me in the balls because of that and I could still see her face flushing before she left.
As soon as I sat in my chair, looking at the bike I thought about what I had just done, how crazy! What was I thinking?
We are inside the office, during business hours, she is my employee and I have just almost kissed her.
Damn Louis, are you crazy? This can't happen anymore!
- Hello - I spoke sharply into the phone without looking at who it was.
- Geez, today your team lost again?
- Hi Duda, sorry.
- Congratulations little brother! I just called for this...
- Sorry and thanks! It's just that things got a little tense here in the office just now. Are you coming tonight?
- Of course!
- So, see you later!
- Bye brother! Love you!
- Goodbye.
I raised my head and she was already packing her things to leave, she put her backpack on her back and looked in my direction before pushing the chair to tidy up against the table, smiled and said goodbye shaking her head almost imperceptibly, and I did the even back.
It's Louis, you're fucked up and in love!
*********
As soon as I got home, Richard was already there with Duda, I went through the kitchen, went straight past the back of the counter and with a brief wave of my hand I went to my room first. I threw the backpack on the bed, along with the suit, which was already in my arms, and began to loosen my tie. As soon as I put my bare feet on the floor Richard knocks on the door:
- Are you going to drink today?
- Certainly!
- Hadn't you stopped drinking on a weekday?
- Today I need it!
- Can I enter?
- No! I'm naked!
- Fuck that rubbish! - And entered anyway. I was still in my pants and my shirt was out and starting to unbutton.
- Shit Richard, let me take a shower!
- I will! I just want to know: What happened?
- Nothing happened!
- No?
I pulled the shirt over my head without unbuttoning it completely and took the cup that was in his hand taking a big gulp and almost spat it all back:
- What is it you're taking?
- It's ice tea in a whiskey glass. To get a bundle!
- Did you take your meds today?
- Hurry up, tell me! Downstairs, Duda will be close.
- I fucked up!
I told about the hug and the kiss...
- Fuck Louis!
- Yeah, I know....
- I'll bet on you now!
- Can you focus on my problem?
- Okay... What are you going to do?
- I need to get her away from my mind!
- How, you're the boss. Do you want her to go to another project?
- No, you freaked out? She is one of my best employees!
-Stop being so nice, starts being that idiot boss.
- How?
- Think everyone is Paula!
- Then I'll want to kill them!
- It's a beginning.
As today is Monday, at ten pm everyone was already leaving. Another night I lay in bed with my head full of shit and to help, it was just me closing my eyes that I could smell her again and feel her skin against mine. Result?
I woke up in the middle of the night with a painful erection between my legs, it took me even to get out of bed and go to the bathroom. I put the tub to fill and while I waited I rested my hands on the sink and looked at my reflection in the mirror. My cheeks were red, my hair plastered to my forehead from sweat, my skin glowed sensitive to the touch. My eyes, which normally had a shade of light blue, were gray.
I took a deep breath and felt her scent again invading my brain, the silence of my house just with the noise of the water falling into the bathtub, made my heart pound inside my ear, louder and louder. I tightened my grip on the sink until my knuckles turned white, and again my skin began to sweat.
I was still wearing my underwear, I had gone to sleep, the feeling of the fabric on my body started to bother me, I put my right hand on it, which was stiff and sore, took off my underwear quickly and went into the bathtub , releasing my breath at once, so I leaned my head back and closed my eyes to try to relax.
Immediately her eyes invaded my head, her perfume permeated my entire bathroom and mixed with the steam rising from the hot water I had placed in the bathtub. A few random phrases in her voice banged in my ear meaningless: “Mister Nurs” “you're welcome” “good” “pleasure”.
With my head back, I squeezed my eyes closed and my hands on the edge of the tub, my brain fantasizing about her body and her touch like a wet dream. And so, without even touching my hands on me, I came moaning low, uncontrollably, I looked at my body that was not obeying my commands and was pulsing in the hot water so that little by little I could really relax.
I let out the breath that had been held, hard and fast.
Shit!
What the fuck was that?
I got up with everything from the bathtub after a few minutes still not understanding what had just happened. It felt like I was still in the dream, but I had just gotten up to push away the same thoughts that woke me up, and that came back even more intensely due to the heat of the water, my heartbeat, my sensitive skin and the blood rushing through my veins making my body throb in a fantasy created by my psyche and I finished showering.
I need to do something about this! Urgently!
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